luckykaa: (Robot)
I usually get home by 5:00pm. I go to bed at 11ish.

That should mean I have 6 hours to do stuff. Plenty of time for cooking (which I only do half the time anyway), eating, catching up on TV, reading and still have a bit of time to do other stuff. And I was expecting that once flickums moved in, I'd have more free time, since I'd have weekends free, and snuggling can be done while watching TV.

Instead, I flump, argue with people on the internet, dither, and get nothing done.

I want to spend time creating a webcomic or making stuff, or reading up on rpgs, or even getting a bit further with video games. I really want to feel I'm doing something with my time. I want to progress with something. I want to opporunity to go out and do stuff. Meet new friends.

I can. The weekly role playing hasn't eaten into my time at all in any practical sense. Occasional trips to see films or go out with flickums doesn't seem to make me any more busy. It's just a question of time allocation.

Perhaps I should plan my evening. I'm  a control freak! I can do this!
luckykaa: (Exterminate)
I like feeling creative. It's fun producing something. I just can't decide what.

In the past, I did programming. That's a good weekend activity - actually working on something I want to work on, but my weekends seem to be frequently busy these days. After a day at work, I'm really not in the mood for even more staring at computers.

I am rather pleased that I seem to be slowly improving at drawing, and I quite like the idea of making a comic. Shame I still don't have a plot. Or a setting. I think I have a character but that might change.

My initial idea was 1920's dieselpunk. But then I figured I don't really like the fashions. 1960's is much more relaxed and colourful. I don't want to do historical though. I want to do speculative. So atompunk/raygungoth it is.

This does require some worldbuilding. Obviously the year is something futuristic sounding like 2000AD. The cold war is still going on, of course. There are space stations, rocket ships, and everyone wears shiny silver outfits.

No plot though. Also, not sure if my ace reporter is a good fit. Ponering if I should furry the whole thing up and create some anthros instead. I'm often accused of being a furry. Why not go the whole hog? Pigs are cool!
luckykaa: (Wolf)
I appear to be becoming old. I'm seriously considering buying a property. The fact that I can afford one in Leicester makes this even more likely.

But do I want to live in Leicester?

Pros: It's pretty cheap. Very central for the rest of the country. Not too far from flickums.
Cons: I don't really feel I fit in here that well. And I'm not finding it easy to make friends.

There are many other places I could go. Nottingham is close, also cheap, and there seems to be more stuff happening on

Or I could go for Bristol. Not too expensive. Not too far from everywhere. I still have a few friends from when I was at university.

Maybe I should jsut stick a pin in a map. That seems to put me in Scarborough.
luckykaa: (Wolf)
So, pretty low key. Still don't have a lot of friends here, and didn't have the energy to actually organise anything.

Had some cards. Opened them.

Had many many faceboook happy birthdays. My poor inbox! But nice to feel loved!

Baked a lemon drizzle cake. Took it into work. It seemed greatly appreciated. I felt it was perhaps a little sticky, but people didn't seem to mind.

Received a tin of hand iced biscuits. Thanks mum and dad. Will enjoy eating them.

Went to comedy night with a meetup group. Met some nice people. In hindsight, I should have grabbed a few people I already know, but that's hidsight for you.

Feel I usually make more of a thing about my birthday. Makes me feel a little homesick
luckykaa: (Wolf)
It's my birthday. Except I decided I'd shift it to a more convenient day this weekend, so had a nice family meal on Saturday, pub lunch with a friend on Sunday, and had a dull day in on my own today. Even the office was mostly empty with all the non-contractors doing training.

I am continuing my tradition of spending my actual birthday in a different country from the previous year. Last year it was America. Year before it was England but the year before that was Australia:)

Facebook is fully of "Happy Birthdays". Have liked all of them. Sooo many of them:) Nice to have friends.

Will bookend my birthday tomorrow by going to the Amsterdam "Beerup" group and drinking fine beers.
luckykaa: (Travel)
Still pondering whether I want to stay here after my 3 months are up.

I took the job because it was offered and I hadn't been to Amsterdam before. I'm pleased I did. I'd never been to Amsterdam before. I would have felt like I was stepping backwards if I got a job in England (not so sure about Scotland).

Moving to a new country is tough though. And I wonder if Amsterdam is a good fit. It's exciting and liberal and there's lots of drugs and late night partying. I'm not exactly a wild party animal. If I stay I'll probably be committing myself to at least a year (6 month rentals are hard to come by and shifting stuff from Britain and back again isn't cheap). There are worse places to live for a year, but is this something I want? I have a few issue which make me feel a little dissatisfied.

The main thing is it's hard to meet new people, and I'm lonely! I don't know if this will resolve itself. There's and a few others which are nice enough but I don't really find a lot of people I gel with. There are fannish types, and friends have been kind enough to put me in contact with them but they all live a bit far away for a casual visit. There is a monthly SF meetup which I'll go along to but that's not happening for another couple of weeks

For all its charms, Amsterdam isn't where I want to be. Where I do want to be is another matter (Well, Melbourne would be nice but not really possible). I'm limited to where I can be. Places seem to either make it difficult for foreigners (most of the places outside Europe), or hard for English-only speakers (most of the south of Europe). That limits me mainly to northern Europe. Scandinavia has appealed for a while. Certainly would like to give it a go, but there are only about a dozen companies in the region that I can work for (English speaking, C++ or Java), and they're not always hiring.  Getting work there requires luck or potentially waiting a long time.

Must do something fun and write about that. This LJ is all getting too introspective.
luckykaa: (Default)

After a couple of stressful weeks, I was geared up for another really hectic one.  

It seems the biggest disasters of this week have been that I just ran out of biscuits, and the inexplicable transformation of some Stilton and Broccoli soup into Leek and Potato.  The first is quite galling.  The Fair Trade Stem Ginger biscuits they sell in Oxfam are fantastic.  For the latter, presumably I need to pay more attention to labels.

It could have gone worse.  I whacked my wing mirror pretty hard and wasn't able to properly fix it at first.  Thought I might need to replace it.  Turns out that after 5 minutes of fiddling it works.  Also left my bag behind on Monday. Leaving after 7:00 usually means spending ages in traffic, but had a total of 15 minutes of delays.  Have sorted out a place to stay for the first week in Belgium and have a good idea of where to stay longer term.  And the campsite for the stag party is booked!  Still need to sort out the other activities there.  Will solicit advice from those good at interactive stories.

Everything went better than expected.

Apart from running out of biscuits.


Feb. 8th, 2012 01:08 pm
luckykaa: (Robot)
I seem to abruptly be feeling a bit down. 

Maybe it's just winter.  Or maybe it's irritation at work.  Or maybe I just need to get out more

If it's winter there's not a lot I can do about it. 

Work is bugging me more and more.  I'm not sure how much I should save before I can safely tell them I'm done.  It's all been frustrating though.  There seems to be very little direction.  And the whole project seems to be finding a problem for our expensive solution to solve.  We've found such a problem and can just about hammer it into a shape to fit our solution.  And the code my colleague produced is an interface to the application, which seems to have exactly the same interface, and does very little itself.  Seems to have been written with no thought to what we want to do.

The weekly commute is starting to get to me. 

I'm wondering whether I made the right decision moving to where I did.  It is cheaper, larger, less cluttered and has one fewer sweet but really irritating landlady.  On the other hand, it's not convenient for the station.  Makes going into London a bit of a problem.  Can't drink if I'm there, unless I get a taxi back from the station.  Then my car's in the wrong place the next day.

I miss the weekly gaming sessions.  I need to see friends more.  This requires effort.  One of the problems of feeling a bit down is motivating oneself to do something about it. 

Grumble over.
luckykaa: (Robot)
It's actually been pretty hectic this weekend. 

Did the cocktail party.  This involved doing the essential stuff like stage 1 of laundry, and expenses and stuff before leaving.  Had to leave fairly early.  Also had to pick up a bottle of Creme De Menthe.  aside from the detour this also meant i had to actually struggle through the horror that is Sainsbury's on a Saturday.  And was delayed further by the security device malfunctioning. 

Kept forgetting odds and sods so kept wanting to return.  Driving back home took up rather more of the day than I would have liked. 

Also had to squeeze in a visit to my parents' place because I'd bought a printer and had it delivered there.  They weren't answering their phones!  Old people and technology, honestly... 

I was somewhat annoyed to find that it had a symbol saying it had no USB cable in the box.  Then slightly annoyed to find that it actually did have after I bought one (although the 5 metre cable I have is a lot more useful than the 1,8M one it came with).  Had to get that working...  Actually a lot less stress than the most recent HP printer I tried to install but why must *everything* run something in the system tray!?  Will have to sort something out there.

Needed to do another pile of computer stuff.  Conversion of some files, transferring from Angelus (desktop) to Chianna (netbook).  muych easier since I learned abut sync tools.

Then there was the Geekest Link at the Caroline of Brunswick.  Shame I know nothing about John Carpenter films, horror movie soundtracks, or horror video games.  And couldn't remember my Bufffy lore well enough...  We did abysmally.   Wish some other people could come to Brighton on a First Sunday Of The Month evening for a sci-fi themed pub quiz.  I know nothing of modern video games!
luckykaa: (Default)

Social life.  It's tricky to get that right. 

On the whole, I'm often quite happy to have plenty of "me time".  I've always been an introvert, and enjoy my own company.  Not too much though.  I suffer from loneliness just like anyone else.  So I need to spend time with friends.  This requires a certain amount of effort.  Working away from home 5 days a week means I actually need remind people I exist from time to time. 

So that means planning.  Planning is hard.  I never know what I'm going to be in the mood for several days ahead.  Nor do I know who's going to be around.  I've been pretty rubbish at planning the past few weeks.  Last week I saw nobody except the couple of people who turned up to B&B7 (splendid chaps, both of them, bit was hoping for more of a crowd) and spent Saturday and Sunday on my own.  This week, I was determined that I'd not have another week like that.  Contacted a bunch of people.  Got a bunch of responses.  Everyone was busy.  Texted other friends, assuming there would be a similar response rate.  Facebook then starts to fill up with planned events.  Suddenly I have half a dozen things I can choose to do.

Need to work on balancing this stuff. 

Will have to see who's around next weekend. See if I can get exactly the right number of things to do.  Since I have no idea who is around, whether the Pony fan club are planning to hang out in Brighton, or what else might be happening, I guess I'll have to be flexible.
luckykaa: (Default)

So have decided to hijack the Medieval Festival at Herstmonceux Castle for my birthday celebration.  Monday 29th.   If anyone else would like to come along, that would be awesome.

That still leaves 2nd September to do something.  This would be a Friday.  Am strongly tempted to go to Bristol.  If I do would anyone else like to go for a drink or 12?

Bristolians?  Are any of you still there?

luckykaa: (Robot)
Have decided I'll try and do something on the bank holiday Monday.

I considered just going to the beach.  Given the recent weather, I don't think that's a good idea. 

All I want to do is mark the occasion and spend time with a bunch of friends.  Anyone have any thoughts?
luckykaa: (Car)

It's 13 months until my 36th birthday.  Wait!  That means I have a birthday in a month!

Should do something to mark the occasion.  I just don't know what.

I'll have to look into taking a day off.  I don't like working on my birthday.  Only ever done it once or twice.  Will anyone be around on Friday 2nd September?

Recent birthdays I've been in another country.  4 out of 5 previous birthdays, I've been to Ireland, Wales, Japan and Australia.  Don't know if I can be in another country this year though. 


So anyway - need plans.  I honestly have no idea what I want to do.  I could do a big party!  Could hire a room above a pub!!  Do a fancy dress thing!!!  Or just go for a meal!!!!  Or leap on Eurostar!!!!!  Spend the day in Brussels!!!!!!  Anyone want to come and sample countless Belgian beers!!!!!!!?

I dunno though.  I'm after ideas. 

I just want to do something.  Something with friends.  That's all that really matters.


Jun. 25th, 2011 03:22 pm
luckykaa: (Exterminate)
Now I have some money coming in (potentially), I have a hankering to do several things.

I need to do a sci-fi convention.  I feel rather disappointed I couldn't afford Eastercon.  And Eurocon.  Also won't be able to do Worldcon since I'll be working.  What else is coming up? 

I want to dress up as something silly.  Maybe I should have a fancy dress party at some point.

I also want to do more circus-type stuff. 

On the subject of circus type stuff - I had so much fun at trapeze.  Everyone was fairly advanced (for a beginners' class), so Emma gave us a lesson on the high bar.  Good fun. Involves climbing a rope and transferring carefully to the bar, without swinging sideways.  Then beat.  And that is severely tiring.  The great thing is, going into catchers and having another person (the flyer) hang beneath and go into pike. 

I'll not be able to get to Hangleton if I work in Welwyn.  On the other hand, I will be able to get down to Circus Space in Old Street.  The train goes straight there as well.  The question is....  What to do?  Trapeze is fun but acrobalance and tumbling looks like it might lead to interesting stuff and is the sort of thing that can be practised without specific equipment.
luckykaa: (Exterminate)
I seem to have been in a pretty sullen mood recently.  Not quite sure what's causing it.

I guess part of it is the repeated rejection and failure to get a new contract.  It does tend to get a little wearing after a while.  But that's only part of it

Really my problem is that I'm in a rut.  Haven't met anyone new or interesting for ages.  Not started anything new.  Not made much progress with the things I have started...  And I don't have the enthusiasm to actually achieve anything.  The lack of enthusiasm stops me from having enthusiasm.  Coming up with ideas seems to be extremely difficult and even focussing properly seems to be a lot harder than it should be. Okay - there was the flying trapeze thing, and that was fun while it lasted - all several seconds of it.  Gave me a buzz for the rest of the day; but it didn't last.  And it's expensive! 

So I need to do something new with new and interesting people.  Last time I felt like this I took up trapeze.  The time before I went dancing and before that I did acting lessons.  Running out of interesting looking hobbies.  And even if I find one I need a nudge to actually start.

So that's it.  I need to do something different.  I need to remind myself I'm alive. 

Except I'm not totally certain that is it.  It could just be loneliness. Maybe something else entirely.  This is just a guess.
luckykaa: (Default)
Okay.  At the beginning of the year, I was expecting a fairly laid back start to the year, because usually winter weekends involve DVDs and sleep.  Here's how the year's panning out so far:

8th January - [ profile] palfrey's birthday bash.
15th January - Lots of offers of things to do plus some vague plans maybe happening.
23rd January - a birthday bash.
29th January- an unbirthday bash.
5th February - reserved for another birthday bash.
12th February - flying to Israel.
19th February - Picocon.
25th-27th February - Redemption.

So that's something happening every weekend until March.  Most weekdays I'll be working (or keeping up with the most hyper person I know).  It's going to be a busy couple of months. 

If anyone wants me for anything else you'll have to squeeze me in to the spare days at weekends or mornings an afternoons.

Glad I'm going to have a holiday after the holiday.
luckykaa: (Default)
For some reason I'm feeling reaonably happy.  I think it's partly because I actually have some control over an aspect of my life.  Do I take a contract extension?  It's about whether I want to rather than whether I need to.  Little things like floods and slippery footpaths (still in pain) worry me less.

So anyway - there are things I want to do:

Karaoke party!  I have Singstar.  It's getting lonely.  It's no fun on your own.
Bad movie party!  I have bad movies.  They're getting lonely.  They're less fun on your own.

Well, I will do this.  Actually it's more about hall costume.  I think I can make a showing in the hall costume contest this year.  I have awesome idea that may be kinda tricky, or I could re-use the Link costume. 

First Aid Course
It is on my To Do list.  I do need a few days off to actually do it. 

Visit Israel
I do want to see you, Tink.  I just don't know when I have time.

Gaming at my place
I could do with a table as well.  That's on my to buy list.  Lack of space limits choice a little. 

Do Something New
No idea what though.  Any suggestions?

Also pondering what my holiday hould be next year.  Given the success of combining holiday with Worldcon, I'm tempted to do the same again.  But which con?  The two good ones are the eurocon in Sweden, or Worldcon in Reno (or one of the big other US cons - Reno's subsidised everything (except gambling) and proximity to SF appeals).

Still have various life issues to resolve.
luckykaa: (Default)
On Sunday, I helped someone start their car.  I also helped [ profile] lemming_man. with some DIY, and introduced some friends to some other friends, thus increasing the level of joy in the world.  Today I gave blood.  Little things but it gives me a nice warm feeling of being a useful human being.

It also causes problems.

I now need to be evil.  What can I do? I presume I haven't enough karma points for murder, but maybe if I parked in a disabled parking space or started talking at high volume on the phone it might work to restore the Karmic balance.

luckykaa: (Default)
I read an article about experiences rather than possessions making people happy.

It has reminded me once again, I have way too much stuff taking up space.  I'm way too much of a hoarder.  I have loads of stuff kicking about that I'm never going to use.  I should try and get rid of it. 

Tedious catalogue of the crap I own )
So I think my plan is to take some of the lesser used books to a charity shop and throw out the less interesting video tapes, and electronic crap.  Anyone want a huge Pile of old SFX Magazines.  Generally in adequate condition starting Issue 1 to uhm.. a lot more than 1.  Whatever they got up to a couple of years ago when I stopped buying them. 
luckykaa: (Default)
Last night I couldn't get to sleep. 

At the moment this sort of thing doesn't compound itself.  When I had to get up by 7am, an inability to sleep with knowledge I'd not be fully rested caused me more stress and made it even harder to sleep.  At this place, if I roll in 2 hours later than usual, I just need to stay 2 hours later.  I have nothing to do in the evenings so that's not a worry. 

Except I still wake up at 7am.  Because at the moment I always wake up at 7am. 

And I felt...  not that different from how I feel having had a full night's sleep.  Okay - a lack of sleep makes me a little ratty and irritable, and adds to my natural tendency towards introversion, but I don't feel tired.  That hits me later.  Right now I'm knackered. 

I don't have to wake up at 7am every morning.   I can pick any time I want by adding an extra few minutes per morning.  Then I stick to that time like clockwork.  But the waking up time will be the same unless I work at it.  7am is the time I choose.  It's a good time to wake up, especially in summer. 

Being an early riser certainly puts me in the minority.  When visiting friends overnight I'm always the only person up first thing in the morning.  I've learned that I need to have something to keep me occupied while I wait for everyone else to rouse.  I've woken up at a LARP and interacted with people who still consider it to be yesterday.  The idea of having a lie in on a Saturday is simply alien to me.  There's a weekend to enjoy!  And there's usually stuff to do.  Most weekends, all the "stuff" gets done by midday.  I can spend the rest of the weekend however I like.  Wouldn't have it any other way.


luckykaa: (Default)luckykaa

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