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Robin Hood (2018 version)
I really think that movies should have their own titles. At least Kevin Reynolds had the decency to put a "Prince of Thieves" subtitle on it. Anyway, this one is called Robin Hood, sharing the name with the 2010 version, the low budget British 1991 version, the Disney animated version, and two silent versions as well as the BBC TV series. And the other BBC TV series.
So, we start with a little narration explaining that this isn't the story we think we know. Maid Marian is a lowly peasant in this one, although she does have a pretty decent cosmetics budget, as well as a branch of Primark nearby, judging by the outfit. She doesn't really come across as poor. She also has an Irish accent for some reason. Anyway, she's stealing a horse. Eggsy from Kingsman comes to stop her. After insulting the wealthy nobles we discover to nobody's surprise that Eggsy is actually the wealthy noble in question. It turns out that she's stealing it for a friend whose own horse has died, so Eggsy givesher the horse, and Marian smooches him.
Nottingham in this version seems to be based around the mining industry. Not sure what they're mining. Given the care and attention paid to history, it might as well be bitcoin.
Eggsy gets drafted into the Iraq war, where they do lots of commando type stuff, and storm a tower that's being defended by a machine-gun crossbow. Then almost gets killed Jamie Foxx, but Guy of Gisborne saves him by chopping Foxx's hand off. Later on Guy of Gisborne is busily killing prisoners. Eggsy gets a little upset so tries to save Jamie Foxx's son. He fails, and gets sent home.
So it turns out when he gets home, he's been presumed dead, and his home has been requisitioned by the Evil Sheriff Krennic. Also finds that Marian has moved on. Krennic gives a Trumpworthy speech about how the evil Middle easterners are coming to take over the land, and how they're going to build a wall.Nobody told him that Nottingham isn't a democracy and he doesn't need the peasant votes. Krennic also seems to have been shopping in high street stores and has a rather stylish faux leather coat.
Foxx persuades Eggsy that he should get revenge on the Sheriff, and to do so he should become Green Arrow - splashing money around by day and stealing it at night.
Cue training montage. Apparently inspired by that Danish guy who claimed to have reinvented archery.
Eggsy spends a lot of time alternating between stealing from the rich, and pretending to be the rich, gradually riling up the Sheriff. Also being a little antagonistic towards Marian's new squeeze (who goes by the name of Will). All the main cast get invited to a party because the Sheriff realises that inviting a few commoners will go down well. Said peasants seem to have no trouble finding a suitable outfit. The party is used as a means to steal some documents and find out what is really going on. Seems that the Sheriff is funding the bad guys.
So, they organise a rebellion. There's a big fight; the Sheriff's men being equipped with riot shields, the rebels armed with Molatov cocktails. During this revolt, our heroes also steal the treasure that's being sent overseas. It seems to be unusually light gold that doesn't actually weight the small boats carrying it down all that much.
Sheriff Krennic gets killed. Will becomes the new Sheriff. Eggsy and Marion and a bunch of other rebels escape to the forest to become outlaws
So essentially the entire film set up the basic storyline. The traditional legend starts here.
The whole film felt like a video game. The production values were pretty crummy. The costumes were extremely modern, and often obviously machine stitched. The CGI backgrounds looked pretty fake. The action scenes were perfectly enjoyable, if ridiculous and implausible. Certainly a good one to watch for a bad movie night.
So, we start with a little narration explaining that this isn't the story we think we know. Maid Marian is a lowly peasant in this one, although she does have a pretty decent cosmetics budget, as well as a branch of Primark nearby, judging by the outfit. She doesn't really come across as poor. She also has an Irish accent for some reason. Anyway, she's stealing a horse. Eggsy from Kingsman comes to stop her. After insulting the wealthy nobles we discover to nobody's surprise that Eggsy is actually the wealthy noble in question. It turns out that she's stealing it for a friend whose own horse has died, so Eggsy givesher the horse, and Marian smooches him.
Nottingham in this version seems to be based around the mining industry. Not sure what they're mining. Given the care and attention paid to history, it might as well be bitcoin.
Eggsy gets drafted into the Iraq war, where they do lots of commando type stuff, and storm a tower that's being defended by a machine-gun crossbow. Then almost gets killed Jamie Foxx, but Guy of Gisborne saves him by chopping Foxx's hand off. Later on Guy of Gisborne is busily killing prisoners. Eggsy gets a little upset so tries to save Jamie Foxx's son. He fails, and gets sent home.
So it turns out when he gets home, he's been presumed dead, and his home has been requisitioned by the Evil Sheriff Krennic. Also finds that Marian has moved on. Krennic gives a Trumpworthy speech about how the evil Middle easterners are coming to take over the land, and how they're going to build a wall.Nobody told him that Nottingham isn't a democracy and he doesn't need the peasant votes. Krennic also seems to have been shopping in high street stores and has a rather stylish faux leather coat.
Foxx persuades Eggsy that he should get revenge on the Sheriff, and to do so he should become Green Arrow - splashing money around by day and stealing it at night.
Cue training montage. Apparently inspired by that Danish guy who claimed to have reinvented archery.
Eggsy spends a lot of time alternating between stealing from the rich, and pretending to be the rich, gradually riling up the Sheriff. Also being a little antagonistic towards Marian's new squeeze (who goes by the name of Will). All the main cast get invited to a party because the Sheriff realises that inviting a few commoners will go down well. Said peasants seem to have no trouble finding a suitable outfit. The party is used as a means to steal some documents and find out what is really going on. Seems that the Sheriff is funding the bad guys.
So, they organise a rebellion. There's a big fight; the Sheriff's men being equipped with riot shields, the rebels armed with Molatov cocktails. During this revolt, our heroes also steal the treasure that's being sent overseas. It seems to be unusually light gold that doesn't actually weight the small boats carrying it down all that much.
Sheriff Krennic gets killed. Will becomes the new Sheriff. Eggsy and Marion and a bunch of other rebels escape to the forest to become outlaws
So essentially the entire film set up the basic storyline. The traditional legend starts here.
The whole film felt like a video game. The production values were pretty crummy. The costumes were extremely modern, and often obviously machine stitched. The CGI backgrounds looked pretty fake. The action scenes were perfectly enjoyable, if ridiculous and implausible. Certainly a good one to watch for a bad movie night.