If things carry on the way they are I think I'll be the only person left at this job. The place is getting quieter.

There's been a general level of discontent with the job, mainly because of the way management works. We lost a bunch of people at the end of last year on a specific project, when management had issues with the way things are being done; and they felt a little under-appreciated by a management team that didn't have a clue what they were doing. We frequently get updates from head office, and each time it leads to irritation from the engineers and studio management. Team lead left this week, my lead left today, and one of the people in my team is leaving next week.

There's a feeling that the company is falling apart. My colleagues mentioned above haven't been replaced. In the org chart, I'm currently reporting to an abstract string of letters. The onyl thing that makes me think the place is not going to pot is that they seem to be on top of the kettle situation (I have very strong opinions on that matter).

And yeah, I'm getting a bit frustrated too. 3 years ago we had a functional, albeit incomplete, product. It should have been released a while ago. It's been delayed a few times and this end-of-project plod is going on forever.

I've never liked work that much.

Wondering if I should join my colleagues and quit.

Part of what's stopping me is indecision.

Do I want another permie job? I find myself irritated by them pretty quickly. I was happier as a contractor. Of course that was then and this is now. The biggest concern with contracting is that I'd need to quit, then find a contract. It may take some time before I can get another contract. I have savings but they'll only go so far.

The other concern here is whether I'd be happy. I was perfectly fine disappearing for a week at a time when I didn't have anyone to come back to. Not that I mind some me time, nor does flickums, but I wonder if it might become tiresome.

The other option is to find another permanent job. ARM looks promising. They want people to do GPU stuff. There is a small downside, in that they're right in the city centre. It means a longer commute, and no choice but to take the tram.

Or should I stay?

I understand the product line and I have ideas.

Maybe things will improve.

So, second week of work;

The first week, I spent a day waiting for a PC and another trying to get the software to build. Spent the rest of the time trying to understand how everyhing fits together. It's not a terrible structure, (which is something I say quite rarely). Hotel was horrible. Shitty location, grim, gloomy, no breakfast, and a terrible hard bed. Moving to the Ibis Budget was actually an improvement.

This week I actually have some work to do. Spent some time doing some graphics stuff. Now they want a widget. I can do widgets.

Still staying in hotels, and effectively this means I'm probably paying to work here. Still, the one I found is decidedly average. I have never stayed in a more average hotel. Everything about it is okay really. The room is reasonably sized. The wardrobe has no doors. It's clean. It includes an adequate breakfast and there's an adequate restaurant for dinner. The internet is just about fast enough for reasonable quality Netflix. It has a adequate number of power sockets but they're a bit far from where I want to put equipment (it's a stretch to plug a PC into the TV).

The office is in a shitty location, near a bingo hall, various furniture shops and a major national team's football stadium. Essentially all the places that are typically found in areas that are essentially wastelands. Traffic in Manchester is horrible, but at least Holly the Evil satnav mostly guides me around the worst congestion.

Currently flat hunting. Seemed to be only a handful of flats available now in the areas I want. Decided it would be easier to rent a room for a month, and at least have a kitchen and somewhere to stay at weekends. Tried lots of places on Spareroom.co.uk. Either got no resposne or the place was gone. Eventually gave up and went for airBnB. It's more expensive but I can't be bothered with the hassle. I'm tired and stressed out! At least I have somewhere as a base for a couple of weeks where I can cook my own meals, and I have the weekends to find a flat.

I had an interview yesterday with a company in Manchester. It went fairly well, and the work I'd be doing looks interesting. I think it pretty likely they'll offer me the job.

I'm also looking at a job with a certain multinational based in Dublin. That's something that really excites me!

Problem - I will probably get an offer with Manchester in the next couple of days. Most likely tomorrow. I'd really like to see how the Dublin job goes though. They'll take at least a couple of days to get back to me with an interview date. That isn't going to be immediate, and they'll take a while after that to get back to me with an offer.

So there's the bird in the hand and a very juicy tasty looking one in the bush. I need to work out my options.

What are my option here?

I can't tell Manchester to hold off for that long.

I can say no and be hopeful. I can accept and tell the Dublin company that they snoozed and losed. That seems like missing out on something that I've been realy excited over. I can accept and then change my mind last minute. That seems like I'd be messing Manchester around a bit. Plus I need to spend time getting myself sorted. Any other options?

Work. Or more precisely job-hunting.

I have an interview in Oxford tomorrow. It's sort of promising, and it's a nice place. Office itself is out in the middle of nowhere though. Literally surrounded by trees.

I would like a job. And while it's probably a bit early to worry about this; how the hell can anyone afford to live in Oxford!? The place costs a fortune! There's no way I could afford to buy a place, and even renting is expensive. Living elsewhere and commuting makes the job a lot less attractive. Honestly, for the cost of a 2 bed flat in Oxford, I can get a 3 bedroom semi detached house in Sheffield (and have change left over).

What I guess I really want is a job or long term contract in Sheffield. It means I can be close to flickums. It also means I could actually buy myself a place. And sure it's probably a little soon to be doing that what with current uncertainty in everything.

Nothing seems a particularly good option. Nothing good is available anyway. I really would like the perfect opportunity to fall into my lap.

Had my first actual interview since I started looking for work again.

The company is in Ashford, which is a pain. I was hopeful when the agent said this would be in Lewes since that means I could at least find people I know nearby. Turns out that no, actually it is in Ashford.

It's a decent enough contract. Doing GUI stuff in Qt for custom equipment. Interview went okayish. I can do the job. Interviewer didn't really seem to be all that experienced at interviewing. But my main issue is the Ashfordness of it all. I was hoping I'd be done with those 3 hour drives.

Will have to see. May not even get this contract. New opportunities seem very thin on the ground recently though.

I'm considering a mortgage. As a contractor, things are a bit complicated, but there are specialists advisors in this area. The advisor wants an updated CV. I also need to actually work out whethere there's a signed contract here.

Also my contract is coming to an end. That means I need an updated CV.

Other stuff I need to deal with on a regular basis is my expenses.

All this stuff piles up. I have other things to do that feel so much more fun! And is it really worth my while claiming for a Sainsbury's £3 meal deal?

And because I neglect it, even more piles up!

I have a whole month of receipts to plough through! Which is actually probably only about 20-30 bits of paper. It feel like so much more though.

For the past couple of years, I've been milling around Europe, enjoying the experience of living in other countries. It's been fun. For some reason Since coming back to Berlin I'm feeling a little listless.

I like Berlin. It's a cool place with lots to do. Lots of events and meetup things that give me options. Live comedy, live music, parks and places to see, and plenty of entertainments, and random trips to lakes and things.

But... I feel like I'm just passing through. My job is just there to pay the bills. I don't hate it. I also don't love it. what I really want to do is development rather than maintenance. My apartment is okay. the location, size and internet access are great, and it has a fitted kitchen (very important to me and not as common as I'd expect in German apartments). Downside is it's all a bit scruffy with a lot of hand me down furniture, and not a lot of storage space. It just seems odd to have a bunch of mismatched kitchen utensils. I have about 20 knives and forks none of which match; a huge pile of plates and a lot of mismatched glasses.

I do miss a lot of things from home. I miss being able to understand the culture and language intuitively. I miss roleplaying and I miss costuming. I kinda miss having a car. I miss seeing my friends. And I kinda miss having a lot of my stuff.

So I need to decide what to do. Do I want to return home? I have the slight probem that I have no idea where I want to go. England appeals in an abstract way but no particular town or city does. Perhaps I need to find somewhere else to live. Perhaps I should find another job. Perhaps I should move on.

I'm here until the end of November at least. I'll probably stay at lest a little longer. Getting a new contract in December is too unlikely so will probably stay a little further after that. After that I have no idea what I want to do.

Work preparation plans continue. This includes printing off about 20 sheets of paper and initialling them or singing them, scanning them and sending them back to the management company. I don't have access to my scanner or printer right now so this involves a trip up into the loft each time I forget something.

Still have the crazy plan to drive there. Really should stop off in Belgium. The whole thing has been a hassle. Insurance company can't give full coverage to me in Germany so had to find another. Through misunderstanding or miscommunication I seem to have been charged £25 for failing to realise cancelling during cooling off period had a fee. Have complained about that one.

Bought a European travel kit from Halfords. Red triangle, hi-vis, first aid kit. No breathalysers (technically a legal requirement in France but the actual fine for them has been delayed indefinitely).

Still not totally sure driving is a good idea. On the plus side, it does increase my luggage capacity hugely. Main issue is a level of fear over driving in another country. I have no idea about parking, slightly anxious about the emissions permit I need. I think this is my general fear of risk that I need to approach head on.

Have booked somewhere to live for the first month. Berlin is a lot cheaper than Amsterdam or Brussels. Airbnb is useful.

Remaining tasks:

• Print, sign, scan and return NDA
• Find out who I should be asking for at Tomtom.
• Cancel old insurance.
• Get maps for Germany on satnav.
• Sort out health insurance
• Plan when to leave.
• Arrange goodbye drinks.

Wondering if I've missed anything.

So, didn't get the job in London.

Had interview with Swedish company. Don't think I quite wowed them enough to get past the C++ test thing.

Agent called suggesting Cambridge Crystallographic Data Centre. Temp to perm, and I'm not sure I can really cope with the flatness that is Cambridge, but it seems like they do really exciting stuff.

Another agent called suggesting Tomtom again, but this time in Berlin.

It's nice to feel popular

Drinks with colleagues today. A few of them are off tomorrow so for those it was goodbye drinks. They got me a card and a couple of books about being Dutch, which was thoughtful and touching, (and more than I ever received when I left a permanent job).

I really am sad to be going.

It's that whole "last day of school" thing. A month ago, the idea of staying for another 5 months filled me with dread. I never developed a social life here. It's been way too lonely. But I rather enjoyed the job. Nice bunch at Tomtom, and a genuine belief that they are out to make the best possible product.

I wouldn't have been happy if I stayed but that doesn't mean I'm all that happy to leave.