Why am I single? (Not a whinge)

[luckykaa]

I met up with a nice girl today.  We got on okay but there was no sparkage.  Had a nice time, so this is all fine but I'd rally like to know why. 

This isn't a whinge or a whine?  I'm pretty okay with this at the moment.  I'm mainly confused about it.  More to the point it frequently causes me problems and I'd like to be able to solve it.

I'm reasonably good looking, I'm intelligent, can make people laugh, charming, have good prospects, give good hugs and have warm hands and feet.  Often guys with none of these attributes seem to have more luck than me.  Guys with many of them often seem to have less luck than me.  Clearly these factors are completely irrelevant.

I have been asked on a number of occasions how I'm still single.  This is always by girls who are not remotely interested in me.

It's all very odd.

edit: Have added comment screening by request.  If you don't want to be unscreened let me know.

Comments

[ingaborg.livejournal.com]

One other thought, if you aren't too fed up with being dissected here. I wonder if the bright colours/juggler/busker look may not suit you? It makes quite a statement, and one has to have the right kind of personality to carry it off. Given that you are naturally a bit shy, perhaps this sends mixed signals that can be interpreted as "creepy"?

I have another male friend who always comes across as insincere to me, because his mannerisms are very "lovey" and affected (I don't mean this is how you are, it's just a somewhat comparable case). I have it on very good authority that he's completely genuine and is just overcompensating for being underconfident, but I still have trouble relating to him.

So you could try wearing smart, normal clothes and making sure you look well groomed. You're an IT professional, and that style of clothing can be a perfectly good look for everyday. Maybe that would help you feel more comfortable, and if you do have a shy moment, you can just go with it, instead of feeling you have to perform/trying too hard?

Of course, these comments don't apply to when you ARE in costume, e.g. at a LARP, con or costumey party. Then, go for it and indulge your love of dressing up!

Anyway, just my 2-p's worth, I hope no offence taken as none intended. I think you're a lovely guy and deserve better.

[luckykaa.livejournal.com]

That's a tricky one.

The thing is, I rather like bright colours and eclectic clothes. I feel cheerful in bright colours and that makes me feel more confident.

That and my purple trousers have received unsolicited compliments before.

[countesszero.livejournal.com]

You may well like the bright colours and eclectic clothes but if I was meeting you for a date and you rocked up in a brightly coloured shirt and something 'weird', I'd excuse myself to the bathroom as soon as we went into the bar or wherever then never come back. First impressions count and most women can judge a man within ten seconds. If I don't like what you're wearing, then you have no chance. That may seem extremely shallow, but that's the way this whole dating thing goes for women. I know of few girls that would appreciate your purple trousers, unless you confine your dating activities to the geek girl pool. And it's clear that you're not, seeing as I found you on POF.

From your responses to our comments it doesn't really seem that you're that willing to change, apart from the 'creepy' thing. And that won't make you appealing to a wider female audience. If you stay the way you are, you're confined to date females that are probably rather weird and don't shave their armpits.

My best advice to you, appearance wise, would be get a decent haircut, get yourself to Topman or Burton and buy something that's a bit more, um, fashionable? I know this probably goes against every fibre of your being but you're going to have to do this if you're going to get a girl.

[luckykaa.livejournal.com]

I'm okay with being single at the moment. There's only so much I'm really happy to change about myself.

I'll listen to your advice. I'll consider everything you have to say. You've given your honest opinion and I'm truly grateful for it, but please don't be upset if I choose not to take your advice.

[ingaborg.livejournal.com]

I hear what you're saying, but it can give quite a strong "alternative" vibe and for ordinary occasions (and meeting new people) you might do better to cultivate your own version of "smart and normal". It's a look that can't really go wrong, and you can always let the brighter side of your wardrobe out to play whenever appropriate.