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Episode 2644: And I Am a Snake Head Eating

Not all encounters are combat encounters. People can be talked with, sometimes even monsters. In fact, it's more fun when monsters can talk. Even if the PCs end up killing them anyway, now they need to deal with the fact that they killed something that talked to them.

aurilee writes:

Commentary by memnarch (who has not seen the movie)

The grue appears! .... But I guess the little lantern and lightsaber are good enough light sources, so the group doesn't get eaten. For now anyway. .... And it's already got stomach troubles, so another point against that.

Is Pete metagaming here? Definitely. But it also seems that the GM is counting on that as the snake thing's just talking a lot and mentioning Rey and the sword. Which honestly probably makes more sense than the movie does; this critter kinda has wampa vibes with the teeth and the "personalized" cave it's living in. Why wouldn't the main characters try and immediately slice or shoot it, especially with how Poe's already pointing a blaster at it? It's not like there's an obvious exit to run away through. The really weird thing is that Rey really does appear to hand over the lightsaber to Finn.

Oh, and this thing definitely doesn't talk in the movie. It's too non-human looking to speak English Galactic Basic, and with a mouth full of teeth like that, I'd honestly be extremely surprised if it makes any sounds other than hisses or movie-rancor growls.

Transcript

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Episode 2643: Is This a Dagger Which I See Invite Me?

There's something visceral about daggers. I suppose that's true of anything that can eviscerate you.

But daggers always seem to be more evil than other weapons, such as the noble sword. You can use this to your advantage by having the villains use nasty daggers. A lot of games will have them be less effective or deal less damage than swords, but you don't have to be beholden to such rules. Just have your evil dagger-wielding villain be as effective or moreso than someone fighting with a more powerful weapon, and watch your players react in fear.

aurilee writes:

Commentary by memnarch (who has not seen the movie)

A dagger? Odd thing to focus on at the moment with the rest of the environment, but alright. I'd argue those aren't exactly evil runes on it though. Mostly because the resolution isn't good enough for me to tell that they're anything more than a bunch of vertical lines. A more interesting observation is that it's got a couple key teeth behind the blade tip, which is probably what the GM refers to with the "spiked" descriptor. Perhaps "present this dagger at" is code for "use this key to unlock"; that'd be a neat addition to the treasure hunt comments the party are making for themselves.

As for the second part of the text, I think I can imagine quite a bit. So whatever the marvellous surprises end up being, they'll probably be a disappointment. Unless Kylo figures out the Factory location and has it orbitally bombarded just before the group gets there and can enter. Now that would be a great way to keep the contents all a mystery for people to only imagine.

Transcript

What I am reading Wednesday

Jul. 2nd, 2025 08:00 pm
paranoidangel: PA (PA)
[personal profile] paranoidangel

Since we're halfway through the year, let's look at how it's going. My goal was to reduce the number of unread books I have. I started at 38 and am now at 43. It's generally been around the same number, sometimes a bit less, sometimes a bit more. It was at 50 recently, so it's doing quite well in comparison...

I also have two squares left on my book bingo card. I could finish it off by replacing those two with something else on the list, but I'm determined not to. Not yet anyway. I have a book in my to read pile that will fit one of the squares. The other I haven't thought about yet.

What I Just Finished Reading
Vera Wong's Guide to Snooping (on a Dead Man) by Jesse Sutanto
I read the first book in this series last year (I think) and then discovered there's another one. Vera Wong is so much fund and I love how she gets everyone to do what she wants to them to do.

Lost Property by Helen Paris
This is all about a character who it seems just needs to come out of her shell. And then you gradually find why she's in it.

How to Murder Your Life by Cat Marnell
This book is like a train wreck. I knew it from the title and description, but she just makes such bad decisions and takes a lot of drugs. I thought it would end in her getting clean and it ends with her thinking she does, but there's really no difference from the other times she gets clean temporarily.

Picnic on Craggy Island by Lissa Evans
This is a really short memoir from the producer of Father Ted from series 2. It was interesting.

How to Age Disgracefully by Clare Pooley
This is the story of a seniors club and the nursery that's in the same building and also mayhem. Since it started with a character turning 70 and being lonely I knew it would end in her making friends, but it still went in directions I didn't expect.

What You Are Looking for is in the Library by Michiko Aoyama
This is a Japanese book that has five characters all of whom are dissatisfied with their lives and find the answers in the library. It was a nice easy read for hot weather, but uplifting because the characters all find a way to improve their lives.

What I'm Currently Reading
Beautyland by Marie-Helene Bertino. I picked this because it's short, but it's a bit hard going. But it might just not be a heatwave book. Although when I acquired it I wasn't entirely sure I'd like it, so we'll see how it goes when it's less hot.

The Busybody Book Club by Freya Sampson. I've read two previous books of hers and enjoyed them and they weren't hard going. Although I'm not fond of the publisher's font on this. I can change the font on my ebook reader, but I couldn't get excited about the alternatives either.

What I'm Reading Next
Depends on the weather. If it's hot then it needs to be easy reading. If it's an easier to cope with temperature

Mirrored from my blog.

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Posted by John Kovalic

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Episode 2642: Knick-Knack, Box Unpack, Give the Blog a Bone

Teeth are one of the most primal things that we fear. Sharp things with intent behind them.

Even just the marks of teeth can be unsettling. Use them to ramp up tension. If the thing that chewed this was here before, it could return at any time.

You don't need to deliver on the promise every time either. Maybe they'll get out safely without ever encountering the thing that left those hand-sized tooth gouges in the metal. They're still going to be terrified.

aurilee writes:

Commentary by memnarch (who has not seen the movie)

It's funny. Of all the references to and comments about that I've seen for "You are likely to be eaten by a grue", I've never seen anything about what happens after consumption. C-3P0's mentioned as still being in front, is the one actually examining the speeder, and now there's actual bones..... Yeah, I think Threepio's gonna lose a limb soon. On the other hand, Rey still has all her original limbs, and that would be extremely amusing given Pete's paranoia about the party getting attacked. Carnivorous mole attack doesn't have the same style as lightsaber limb loss though.

As for why there's a speeder and bones down here, perhaps Lando actually was acting as an investigator trying to find that missing person? If this cavern isn't that well known, or it's been recently dug, it'd be an obvious reason for someone to just disappear. Everything in Star Wars physically lands at some point right, even if it hovers to move? All it'd take is for Ochi to be curious about the gravel, land on it, and then get stuck and pulled through. And then eaten of course. If Ochi was some sort of smuggler or other Resistance ally, that'd handily explain Lando being on the planet with the hologram.

Transcript

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Posted by John Kovalic

This or any DORK TOWER strip is now available as a signed, high-quality print, from just $25!  CLICK HERE to find out more!

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How to Predict the Future

Jun. 30th, 2025 07:00 am
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Posted by Scott Meyer

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Episode 2641: Marching to a Diffident Drum

"Marching order" is the term used to refer to a standardised arrangement of the characters in a party as they advance down unexplored dungeon corridors. The gaming term comes from the early Dungeons & Dragons rules, but ultimately stems from earlier military use, referring to the equipment, uniforms, and arrangement of soldiers as they march in formation. In fact a lot of the terminology of modern roleplaying games traces its roots back to military jargon, via the filter of Gary Gygax's wargaming background before he wrote the first D&D rules books.

aurilee writes:

Commentary by memnarch (who has not seen the movie)

Ooo! We might just get a grue! With at least one really big mouth!

Pete's got a pretty good paradigm here. But as Ben points out, all that means is that it's down to a dice roll or who the GM thinks should get attacked or trigger a trap. In which case, why not simply roleplay it? The GM might at least allow the players to test their preparedness fairly in that instance.

Though if we do end up having wild life, escaped experiments, or something else running around, that'd put a damper on my idea of this being a Dark Side pit. There's only been humans that have made appearances in them (the sleen doesn't count as it didn't attack), so a mole rat attack would be extremely unlikely if the Dark Side pit is a concept. Unless they've all got like Kylo Ren or Palpaclone faces. Now wouldn't that be a really weird idea?

Transcript

Distracted – DORK TOWER 27.06.27

Jun. 27th, 2025 05:00 am
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Posted by John Kovalic

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Episode 2640: Mundus Inversus

Jun. 26th, 2025 09:11 am
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Episode 2640: Mundus Inversus

Where does one search for secret doors? Everywhere? That'd take too long when you are trying to avoid wandering monsters, find the treasure, and get out alive before your torches run out.

Dead ends are the dead giveaway. Why would there be a dead end, unless it's not really a dead end? They're almost a signal to the players to search for secret doors here.

aurilee writes:

Commentary by memnarch (who has not seen the movie)

Hah, of course Pete would pull a lightsaber out for light. While there's half-dead flashlights that would provide better light, a lightsaber would also be useful for attack and defence. I guess nobody else has a decent light though as I'd thought Poe's light was the lightsaber for a few moments. Though perhaps that's unfair to the characters; there's plenty of other non-Star Wars movies that have problems with flashlights and lighting as well.

I guess space-time goo causing problems here is as good an explanation as any if the GM goes along with it. It's definitely a lot more interesting than "The Force did this", which is what I bet the movie has as its explanation. But even if that is the official cause, there'd have to be something else that originally made this place. It's not like the Force is a cloud of radiation that randomly builds or destroys things; Force users make it do those things. And then at some point, that kind of explanation is just "a wizard did it" which is so unsatisfying outside of comedy scenes, and it would have been better to not explain things at all.

Anyone else want to hope an unexplained Grue shows up just to keep things weird and interesting?

Transcript

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Posted by John Kovalic

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HEY! Want to help keep DORK TOWER going? Then consider joining the DORK TOWER Patreon and ENLIST IN THE ARMY OF DORKNESS TODAY! (We have COOKIES!) (And SWAG!) (And GRATITUDE!)

Episode 2639: Tunnel Revision

Jun. 24th, 2025 09:12 am
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Episode 2639: Tunnel Revision

This is a great GM line. "Mmm. I wonder why that is?"

Use it whenever a player questions something in the game as being unrealistic or weird. Whether or not you actually have a pre-planned explanation for it, or if it was just an oversight or something that you didn't bother researching to make it realistic.

Instead of arguing with your players, you acknowledge that they're right to think something is strange, and you establish that there must be some plausible explanation for it. If only they could be clever enough to figure it out.

And if you have any players anything like Jim, they can help you figure out what the explanation is. And then you run with it like a thief.

aurilee writes:

Commentary by memnarch (who has not seen the movie)

Or not. No rescuing here. I guess we're not done with the movie writer confusion as it's time for a cave adventure!

I'd actually guess that BB and Poe are similar in density. BB might be made of metal, but it's not like droids are solid objects and he wasn't that difficult to move in Episode VII. Plus, a large sphere isn't going to have a lot of different moving surfaces for the ground to be moved by. Humanoid shapes, on the other hand, would have that "advantage" which would be how metal-man Threepio gets to already be standing on the floor while Poe is still picking himself up.

I do like the set-up the last comic had, even if Pete's roleplaying rule doesn't seem like it'd save him if he tries pushing it too hard. Goopy quantum soup aside.... I guess this could be another wacky Dark Side slime pit? Rey had that fall into one last Episode, and since that was on an island, it was full of slime and water. Here on probably Tatooine, we've got sand and gravel everywhere, so this is just gonna be rocks, rocks, and more rocks. Up until we find another funhouse mirror and get to see everyone have fun trying to figure that one out.

Transcript

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Posted by John Kovalic

This or any DORK TOWER strip is now available as a signed, high-quality print, from just $25!  CLICK HERE to find out more!

HEY! Want to help keep DORK TOWER going? Then consider joining the DORK TOWER Patreon and ENLIST IN THE ARMY OF DORKNESS TODAY! (We have COOKIES!) (And SWAG!) (And GRATITUDE!)

 

How to Handle the Unexpected

Jun. 23rd, 2025 07:00 am
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Posted by Scott Meyer

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