luckykaa

When talking about the Knives Out movies, Rian Johnson said that one of the rules in a mystery is the detective is not the protagonist. In Wake Up Dead Man, Benoit Blanc doesn't turn up until 40 minutes into the movie. The focus is on Jud Duplenticy - a priest who becomes the prime suspect in the murder. And this is the case in most mysteries. In a lot of Sherlock Holmes stories, the protagonist is the victim. Other stories might follow someone close to the victim.

In Columbo, the protagonist is the murderer.

The big name in the show was always the perpetrator. And there were some definite well known faces. Donald Pleasance, Janet Leigh, Dick Van Dyke, Robert Vaughn, many others. Definitely the A-list! 

The structure of a typical episode is a tragedy. The first act will focus on the murderer. We'll learn their motivations, their connections to the other characters. Sometimes we'll sympathise with them. The villain is often deserving of their fate. At some point we'll see them commit a murder. The murderer will typically prepare an alibi, or take steps to cover up the murder if it was something spontaneous. 

It's at this point Columbo appears and while the protagonist doesn't realise, the audience knows, at this point their fate is sealed. Throughout the rest of the episode we see how their careful planning is gradually unravelled by this dogged eccentric. Their arrogance and confidence is chipped away. Many a time they end up broken, seeing their arrest as a blessed relief that the torment is finally over. 

Columbo is probably the only show where the murderer as protagonist is possible. It's not a "whodunnit". It never meant to be. It's been described as a "howCatch'em". Although it is typically a mystery. A few questions remain unanswered. Sometimes the why. Sometimes there are a few missing details. But what is never a mystery - with the exception of one episode (Double Shock, where we have two identical twins)  - is who "dunnit". 

It's not the only show where the murderer is the protagonist. Several Hitchcock movies we are shown the murder, and even told how it's going to happen beforehand. Dexter and Death Note both focus on serial killers. Death Note even has a cat-and-mouse with a series of detectives. Columbo however manages to be the iconic example of this format.

Paris Day 3 & 4

Pleased we decided to skip the trip to Brussels. Would have been nice seeing friends, but we always do way too much in these trips. Instead we had the opportunity to go back to Disney village and go to the shops. 

Doing this in the morning is a much more pleasant affair. Hardly anyone around because they're all in the park. Shops are open. Plenty of space away from the crowds. We bought some Disney tat. Had a look at potential places to eat next time we're here. 

Flick was feeling tired so returned to hotel. I wanted to explore a little more. See if Paris has a Lego store. It does, although not as big as the London one. They do have the obligatory Lego Paris landmarks though. Bought a Spiderman minifig and was disappointed it was one I already have. 

Returned to hotel. Collected Flickums for going out again to the Père Lachaise Cemetery. It seems to be a thing for us these days to see dead people on holiday. We were a little early and Flickums was getting very unwell, and hadn't eaten so I bought her a ham and cheese baguette. But disaster struck! There was no cheese!!!

We had a very nice guided tour and saw graves of various people - One highlight for me was Jean-François Champollion, because I like Egyptology and I didn't realise he was there. Sadly the tour ended early due to poor light, so we didn't get to see Oscar Wilde. Did see several other tombs though, including Jim Morrison. 

We wrapped up the day with an open top bus tour. Seemed to be some confusion with another group; who we movbed for, but they were then herded off for some reason. 

Bus tour was okay but we did stop near the Eiffel Tower for a bit long. Also seemed to end a bit abruptly. But we did see the Champs-Élysées, Arc De Triomphe, and a bunch of other Paris landmarks. 

We wrapped up the final day with Flickums feeling somewhat like Death, but wanting to tick off a few remaining locations. Statue of Joan Of Arc. Oscar Wilde's tomb,  Georges Méliès tomb, Bizets tomb. Picked up some Belgian beers. Returned home.

Paris Eurostar Terminal refused to accept my passport at the passport gates. After 3 attempts it finally let me in, but then decided to keep me there while it tried to check my identity! I think it crashed. Apparently the French passport authorities didn't want me to leave!

Don't think the Paris Eurostar terminal is quite as nice as the London one.

So that was it. Really wish we didn't keep getting lurg on holidays. Really puts a downer on the whole thing. Still, it was nice to go to Paris and not break up on the way there. And to actually visit the Eiffel Tower rather than just see it. I had a nice time. 

We went to Paris! Via Sussex to visit parents. Eurostar is a little more convenient from Sussex. And I like Eurostar!

Anyway, we arrived. Found our hotel. Slept. And woke up far too late because we stupidly didn't think to set an alarm. We needed to get to Disneyland to meet Jack Skellington! And maybe Goofy. And, if we're lucky, a random princess!! Rides were there to fill any spare time.

Here's the thing about Disneyland; they've abolished physical queues for the meet and greets. Instead you need to sign up to a virtual queue on the app. We learned to hate those virtual queues. We got through the gate only a few minutes after opening time. After a lot of tinkering, we found we were far too late to have any hope of meeting Jack, and the queue was full. Instead we met Goofy, who just had a short regular queue and he was very nice. Decided we'd be first in the queue when they reopened in the afternoon.

In the meantime, we enjoyed the park. Had Mickey waffles. Went on Phantom Manor because it's great! And since we're old, we decided sitting on the bench was one of the best rides in the park! 

Had lunch at the Pinocchio themed Chalet de la Marionnette, and had the worlds most disappointingly bland pulled pork burger. It tasted on nothing. It had a slice of cheese that had no cheese flavour. There was no salt on the fries. All in all, pretty awful. Would not recommend. 

Anyway, afternoon queues were about to open, so we leaped on them, and kept getting unhelpful error messages saying "Oops, something went wrong". Eventually after several failures, we got a different error message saying the queue is full. Yeah, thanks Disney.We were a little miffed about this. Actually Flickums was mortified. She was putting up a brave front,  but it was pretty clear she was numbing her pain with copium.

However, after constantly prodding the app, an opening appeared. And I prodded a few times, and I got into the queue to meet a princess! This gave Flickums hope and after many many attempts she finally managed to join the Jack queue! And at this point Flickums was so happy she was bouncing off the walls! 

And Jack was really nice. He really got the voice and mannerisms right, and seemed to appreciate that we were fans! He admired the little demons we brought - Flick's K-pop plushies! I wished him a horrible Christmas. 

Princess meetup was with Merida, who was one of the princesses we hadn't yet met. She did a passable Scottish accent but was fun and did encourage us to do a bear pose. 

Honestly that was the only thing we really wanted to do. Flick wanted to see the Christmas parade - we missed the first one because we were seeing Jack but it was all lit up so seeing the night time one was a lot better. We went on a few other rides. We went to the steakhouse and had some tasty but overpriced skewers. Went on Star Tours - where there was no queue! Honestly, at this point we were just ticking off all the "would like to do" things. 

I recently finished The Rest Of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness. 

The premise is that in a world where heroes exist, and supernatural events are an every day occurrence, most people just want to live their day to day lives. In the background we have an alien race wanting to take over, but the prince falling in love with one of the chosen ones but that's just what's happening in the background. The actual story is a slice of life about a group of ordinary kids in their final year of school, their dysfunctional parents and the rest of the things that are going on in an ordinary life. The supernatural story is irrelevant (and actually really hokey).

I really enjoyed it! But this is not about a review. It's about a fairly simply fact that a lot of writers seems to miss. We don't actually give a damn about the end of the world. We care about the people it will affect.

A world ending, or universe ending plot is just a MacGuffin. It's not important. In Titanic, it's not really important that the ship sinks. We could replace that with any disaster, as long as there's a possibility of class warfare and peril. Star Wars it doesn't matter so much that the Death Star needs to be destroyed so much as as Luke is the one to destroy it. We want to see the hero beat the odds. We want to people to win. 

Far too many stories seem to be about upping the ante, and then fixate on that. Discovery season 4 was about something threatening the galaxy. The Force Awakens had an even bigger Death Star. The Rise of Skywalker upped the ante again with a fleet of planet destroyers, but they fixated on them and they weren't what's interesting. We don't have a a connection to what's at risk. People loved the recent Superman movie. Why? Because it's about the people. Superman says it himself. He's flawed and makes mistakes. 

What I don't understand is this; this is not a revelation! This is some pretty basic writing advice that anyone with an interest in writing will tell you. Make characters that people care about. Yet these are professional writers and they seem to think that what we want is bigger MacGuffins. The thing any writing guide will tell you not to focus on. So what's happening? 

Are the story decisions being made by the money men? Maybe. Whoever is doing this has lost touch. Don't tell us about the world ending because unless we're invested in the people who just live there, who cares?

Writing this after returning; because I didn't bring a laptop on holiday with me.

So, in short, Anniversary trip to Thessaloniki, Greece! Where I went up a mountain, caught a nasty lurg, swam by a shipwreck, soaked in a thermal pool, ate in a rotating restaurant, sailed on a pirate ship, and acquired some gods and monsters. Still suffering from the lurg.

In Long...

Thursday:

Flew to Thessaloniki. An afternoon flight, which is always a nice time to fly. No particular issues. Landed. Taxi to hotel. Hotel is veery nice. And we'd splashed out on a junior suite, which was pretty sweet. It came with lounge access; where I took advantage of the complementary wine. Then we got room service because neither of us wanted to go out hunting for food. I had a glass of wine. I think that might have been my undoing.

Friday:

Visited by Bilious the oh-my-god of hangovers. And didn't sleep well. Fortunately it was a pretty easy day. A drive to Dion - Archaeological site - and Mount Olympus. And apparently some waterfalls that we didn't actually see due to some confusion. Dion was fairly interesting. Ancient city with various excavations. The directions weren't great though. Took a while to find the Sanctuary of Zeus. It was signposted but the only way to get there would have been to wade through a stream. Eventually found another route.

Next stop was Mount Olympus. We saw the mountain. Didn't want to do any trekking so admired the scenery. There was meant to be a visit to a gorge. That seems to have been skipped. Still a bit confused about what happened there.

In the evening we hunted food. There seems to be a dearth of mid-range places to eat! Turns out my eyes were bigger than my belly anyway...

Saturday: 

Hangover has turned into a cold. I think I the booze might have done a number on my immune system. Still, not feeling too bad.

It was my day to be a catfish! We went on a shipwreck tour. Long boat trip around the Thermaic gulf and we chatted to other travellers, all North Americans living in Europe. Once we got there. I jumped into the sea, and then decided.. Actually maybe a lifejacket might be useful for getting to shore. Just felt extremely tired as soon as I hit the water. Although really I would have preferred something else. A jacket was a little too floaty. Still, it made getting to shore a simply matter of leaning back and slowly floating.

I was surprised how few people were there. Last time we saw a shipwreck it was massively popular! Here there was only one yacht (ours) and a couple of small boats.Still had some distance to go along the beach to get to the wreck and that was not an easy journey. The beach was hot and rather painful on the feet. Shell grit is not a good surface. It's sharp and painful and gets unpleasantly hot. By the shore the gradient is too steep, and underwater it's too easy to sink into. The 100m walk took a ridiculously long time. Still, I arrived and had some fun swimming around the wreck. Saw some fishes and made a point of startling them. Nobody told them there'd be Neil's in the sea.

Our Captain Mikos was friendly but I don't think I'll ever experience a crew as nice as Ruben and Marta in Gran Canaria.

Sunday:

It's our anniversary!!! And we're seeing Hot springs and a waterfall.

The weather seemed to be a little sullen though. And cold is getting worse. Not ideal day for it. Still, determined to have an enjoyable day and there's not a lot of high energy activity planned. First stop was the hot springs. A choice of 3 pools. Two small pools and a "large pool". Turns out the large pool is essentially just a swimming pool; except filled with hot spring water. We spent some time there but it seemed unexciting. We moved to one of the small pools, which are a lot nicer. Very silty, so the water was opaque. Weather was getting grottier which was fine while we were relaxing in the pool. No qualms about getting wet and the pool was warm! The only trouble was getting out. We didn't want to leave!!! Alas we had to.

Went from there to a very nice restaurant, where I had wild boar!

After that we went to the waterfalls. Sadly by this point, Flick was getting very waterlogged and didn't really feel like traipsing around a waterfall in cold wet weather while wearing wet clothes. I ventured down myself. However, Flick did retreat and head to a cafe about 30m too soon. I did eventually persuade her to come so she could at least say she'd seen the falls.

We also did out first souvenir hunt. We acquired Hera, to go with our collection of deities.

Returned to hotel, fortunately most of the route was under shelter, but Flick was feeling very soggy at this point.

Evening plan was to go to the Rotating Restaurant. Weirdly difficult describing to taxi drivers where we wanted to go until I pulled up a picture. They apparently don't call it OTE tower in Greek. We arrived, and the lift was out of order. After a long wait, we eventually accepted that we'll have to go up the stairs. Not something we were in the mood for. Still, we made it. I was also a little upset that the restaurant didn't appear to be  rotating. Turns out it was, just very very slowly. Takes an hour to do a complete revolution. Had a bit of confusion over the bill. Settled that and headed home.

Monday:

Cold is getting worse. Fortunately we had planned on doing nothing. So I napped. Then we went for a chocolate massage. Established that chocolate massage oil does in fact taste of chocolate. After that I was feeling somewhat rejuvenated, and somewhat hungry. Found a nice cafe that did a selection of seafood and cheeses, where we were pestered by cats. I shared some steamed mussels with the cats. Next bit of souvenir hunting - We acquired Hades to add to the collection.

Was originally planning to explore the city today but didn't feel up to it. Instead I took advantage of the hotel's indoor pool. It turns out it's a dimly lit pool with ambient music (and rather annoyingly, notification pings because it was just connected to a phone via bluetooth) designed for relaxation. Very pleasant.

Wrapped up the day with a ride on the Arabella! A pirate ship! Well, a 1930s ship designed to look like a pirate ship and functioning primarily as a bar, while 80s hit played - an authentic pirate theme obviously important here - We did get to zip along the coast of the city as the sun set, and enjoyed cocktails, served in piratically themed drinking vessels.

Tuesday:

Flying home. Was not a lot to do at the airport and I made the foolish mistake of going through passport control too soon. Manchester decided to welcome us back with rain. Boo! On the plus side, the airport was pretty much empty. Waltzed straight though to passport control.

I have to say, despite a few things not quite going as hoped and fighting a cold, I did enjoy the trip. I just wish I'd seen more of the city. it's not a big tourist area. We could easily have managed it on Monday if I was feeling up to it but I wanted to relax. And I don't think that was a bad thing. We booked a nice hotel for a reason so I'm, pleased we took advantage of the amenities.

Happy Birthday flickums ! Although by the time I write this, that was yesterday.

Came down on Monday. Checked into hotel and hunted for food. Finally found a steak house that does steak! In fact that's about all they do. The Flat Iron is a quirky little restaurant with a very concise menu, consisting entirely of steak and side dishes. There is no provision for vegetarians. I think the idea is that if you go there you're after steak or a burger. If you are after a steak or a burger I can wholly recommend the place. When you arrive, they provide a mug of salted popcorn (which gets refilled if emptied). Steak was absolutely fantastic. so were the sides. Chips are cooked in beef fat, as is tradtion! A nice bonus is they have an ice cream machine and offer ice cream to customers when they leave.

Since Flickums was about to have a birthday, and we wanted an early start, we started the birthday celebrations slightly early. So Flickums opened prezzies the night before. Seems the cross-stitch book I gave her really went down well. And I think the Frankenstein condiments set did as well.

So, after a hearty breakfast, we did the meandering journey to Highgate Cemetery. Turns out there's not any particularly convenient tube stop nearby and even buses are a few minutes walk away. We had a guided tour of Highgate. Lots of interesting history about the place, and how it went into decline, before being taken over by a trust to have a sense of managed decline. So nature is sort of making inroads but very slowly and carefully.

After the tour, we went on a very brief scavenger hunt. Found Douglas Adams - as one should on a 42nd birthday - , Karl Marx and William Foyle. There's also a very nice little gift shop in the ticket office. Flick, being the ghoul she is, bought a couple of grim grisly books about death and murder.

Went on the hunt for lunch. Found a nice pub. Unfortunately the kitchen was closed. Found another nice pub, and this one specialised in pies. I ordered a pie. Flickums ordered a pie. This trip is making me very fat.

Back to the hotel to chill for a bit before heading out again to our theatre date.

Flick has become a bit of a Wicked addict since the movie came out and wanted to go see the stage production again. Flick dressed in her Wizard of Oz themed dress and red sparkly shoes, which got a lot of compliments. Show was good. I think I prefer the movie though. It has a train!

Back to the hotel. Change at Earl's Court onto a train packed with some very loud, very annoying football fans. Fortunately it was only one stop. One of the more sane fans apologised on their behalf. I guess at least they were loud and annoying in a cheerful way.

Aaand flump! Fortunately following day is planned to be a lighter affair.

Flickums has long accused me of having one paw in the furry closet. I'm not sure it's true. But as a cat I do have a potentially fatal sense of curiousity. I'm not sure what goes on so I thought I'd try out Scoitacon, in Glasgow.

The programming seemed to be be a mix of furry specific and general geeky stuff. There was lots of stuff for the fursuiters, which entertained those without. Dance competions and silly games.

The more general geek stuff included some general presentations, a gamedev meetup, and a robot combat thing - seems this was beetleweight; 1kg-ish robots. There was going to be a talk from the associated charity - Saving Wildcats - but because of some right wing press hysteria they backed out

Have to say it was a bit of a mixed bag. I had a bit of a problem that I had a spate of shyness. And a lack of sleep the first night. And I really should have done the whole weekend.

The people are very nice and friendly - although nerdy even by convention standards. It's very open. The programming ideas were creative. The con book was a work of art! Really nice buzz about the place.

On the downside, the Glasgow Crown Plaza is way too small. Not sure how many people were there. My badge number was over 2000, but there might have been a gap for some reason. Still, it was in excess of 1000 attendees. There was a huge queue for the dealers room. This was clearly expected - the queue was very well managed - but surely a larger dealers room is needed! I did consider going to the talk on draing anthros but that seemed to be in a room with a capacity of about 40.

The robot combat thing was let down by tech. The video stuff was extremely jittery - looking at the desktop when it went wrong - this ay have been because of the million aps on the mac that was running this. But far worse was that we couldn't actually see the bloody combat without standingup and moving to the side of the room. They had video screens but didn't realise they'd need to record the battle.

The Fursuit games was a lot of fun. Red-light green-light, and "Foxy Says" (Simon says with a name change). There's something terrible sad about a dejected furry walking away with his head down after being knocked out.

The gamedevs meetup - in a room that was far too small again. And getting people socialising isn't easy. Although it turned into a bit of a round table which worked out pretty well.

There was a series of presentations on any subject people wanted. The first one was about Shadow the hedgehog in game and movie. The next one was about why Black Mesa is better than Aperture science - by a couple of guys who weren't quite as funny as they thought they were. The third one was really interesting about the preservation of prototype games. There was also a brief presentation about why Flat Earth is great for fantasy but absolutely idiotic in real life.

I rather wish I'd booked earlier. It's very much a 4 day con. Plenty of stuff happening on the Friday and the Monday. Although there was a lot of downtime where nothing really was happening.

My biggest problem was that I didn't get any sleep at all on Friday night. That meant I didn't really have the stamina for Saturday and ended up hiding in my room towards the end of the day, before getting an early night. I really wish I'd chatted to more people. I found myself afflicted by shyness. I just couldn't work out a way to start a conversation. "So... You're a furry then" seemed like it wouldn't go anywhere. Perhaps I should have gone for that. Somtime my shyness is more easily beaten than others.

Still, it does seem to do a lot that I've been missing in conventions. It felt very fannish. I actually feel I might be out of touch with geek culture a little but there's a lot of people into games and 3D printing and stuff. I really wish there were more general sci-fo cons that felt like this.

On the first weekend of December, or the last weekend of November, we had out Tree Trimming party. Flick's sister visited. We put up decorations! We wartched silly movies.

The second weekend was ourt London Adventure. We went down to London. We had big plans to do a lot of things. We really wanted to go to the Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park. Unfortunately weather happened. Rather a shame since that wa the main purpose of the trip. Still, we did get to spend a lot of time playing boardgames in a gaming cafe in London for Pete's bithday. We had a lot of fun. There were sveral Cyanide and Happiness games played, amongst others.  The next day we saw a kids science show. Exciterment on the way back as the M6 Toll was closed so we took a bit of a weird route.

The third weekend was visiting my parents. I wrote a whole post on that. It wasn't the massive success I'd hoped for. We had a puncture on the way there, delaying us horribly. The Christmas fair was rubbish. Wasted a lot of time doing chores.

Weekend 4 was out weekend off! Sort of. This did involve a long drive to Norfolk, and we saw Ruith and Simon and Sammy. And hosted a dinner party for them. Mostly though, we chilled. We had nothing to do. We went to a farm shop. Flickums sepnt some timer sleeping. I spent some time reading and watching tat. I went for a stroll. Aside from cooking, we had literally nothing that we needed to do. We really need more weekends like this.

So, that was hectic.

Next year we really need to do a lot less! The plan is not anything except visit Paris.

We've been watching a lot of Christmas movies recently. Christmas is just a setting. They each have their own genre, but the genre is entirely dependent on who the protagonist is. Tell the same story with a different protagonist, and we end up in a very different genre.

Some are more obvious. Miracle on 34th Street is a whimsical family movie, but also a courtrooom drama - especially from Fred's point of view. It's a Wonderful Life is only a Christmas movie from the Angel Clarence's point of view. For George, it's an episode of The Twilight Zone, and for everyone else, it's a soap opera. Others are less obvious.

A Christmas Carol (any version)

Marley has his own redemption story, What is Marley's reason for appearing to Scrooge? He realises he can make amends. This is more strongly hinted at in the original story, where Dickens tells us:


Marley realises he's in a position to do some good even as a ghost. This is possibly his only chance. He's close enough to Scrooge to provide a warning and maybe was involved in persuading the other ghosts to intervene.

As a result Marley saves 3 souls. Scrooge, obviously, then that Tiny Tim, and - as we see, the death of Tiny Tim destroys Bob Cratchet - so Marley saves a third soul there.

Home Alone

This one is obviously intentional. From Kevin's point of view, he makes a wish, and his family disappears. He makes another wish, and the family comes back. He has no idea about the power outage, or the set of contrivances that resulted in his family flying to Paris without him. We see them losing his ticket and getting an airport shuttle to the airport, but Kevin doesn't. Of course it could taken as a fantasy from a more objective point of view as well. It's a staggering coincidence that all this happens when Kevin makes a wish.

Old Man Marley is in his own movie. It's probably a short arthouse film about a man whose pride has left him estranged from his family.

Harry is Wil-e-Coyote in a Road Runner cartoon.

The Nightmare Before Christmas

This should really be Sally's story. She's the one who has most character development. Here she's in a comedy drama about personal development. A similar structure to something like The Devil Wears Prada.

Sally is shy and awkward. She's smart but kept down by a cruel and unloving father figure, who essentially treats her as a slave. She has a vision and realises that the dear friend, Jack Skellington - who she is in love with but he's oblivious to her affections - is going to make the worst mistake of her life. She needs to fight against her insecurity and do what she can to prevent the disaster. Talking doesn't work. Jack is too focussed on the task at hand. She comes up with a cunning plan to create a thick fog but that's foiled. Ultimately she has to use all her wits and guile to got to Oogie Boogies lair, rescue Sandy Claws, and save both Jack and Christmas.

Sally is by far the most proactive character here, and she's the one who actually has to develop. Sally at the start of the movie wouldn't dream of going to Oogie Boogie's lair, but near the end she does, not because she wants to but because she has to take the risk.She ends up a lot more confident, and gets recognised by Sandy Claws as the only person with any sense,

As flickums observes, this point of view deals with a bit of a plot issue in the main storyline. There isn't a romantic subplot between Sally and Jack. He's not interested, at all. In the story of Ragdoll to Riches, that subplot is definitely there,

The Mean One

This is a more obscure movie - the premise is How the Grinch Stole Christmas, retold as a horror movie.

However, it has all the hallmarks of a Hallmark Christmas movie.

Successful careers woman returns to a small town. The town has lost its Christmas spirit, but she joins up with an awkward but harming local and together they save Christmas. It even has a friendly jolly man with a beard who helps them out, and the Santa archetype is common in these movies,

Die Hard

This essentially defines its own action movie subgenre. However, Hans Gruber is the anti-hero of a slasher movie. The same genre as Halloween and Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Hans is part of a group with a plan for the holidays. It's not a very festive plan; it involves robbery and murder to cover their tracks. But it's a plan. And at this point they think they're in a third genre of film - a heist movie. They have an elaborate plan that involves other people reacting in predictable ways.  Unfortunately they aren't sympathetic enough to be in that sort of movie.

Things start going wrong when one of the group turns up dead, with a message, "Now I Have A Machine Gun. Ho. Ho. Ho", mocking them. As is typical, they split up and try to deal with the menace. They never see him until they are about to die. As far as the criminals are concerned this is a supernatural monster that won't stop until they all die.

John McClane here is a bogeyman, similar to Jason Voorhees in the later Friday 13th Films or Michael Myers from Halloween.

As an uncle to 3 niblings, I do my best to be the "cool uncle". But the question is, who are the role models and who are the cautionary tales? Fortunately, contemporary media is full of them.

So, who do we have? First the evil uncles, in order of increasing badness.

Uncle Vernon:

Harry Potter's guardians were particularly mean to him. I always felt there were a few extenuiating circumstances here though. He's told that his sister-in-law was murdered by Wizard Hitler. And he's gone, and probably dead, but who knows. Oh, and wizard Hitler was extremely powerful and is most likely going to be gunning for Harry if it turns outhe's not actually dead. Anyway, look after him please Vernon. I can sort of see how they might be justified in hiding him away, and wanting as little to do wityh the magical world as possible. Still, they really could have been a little bit nicver to Harry and let him have an actual room.

The Uncles in Stardust

They're actually not the big bad, and they're more unscrupulous and opportunistic than pure evil. Most of their nastiness is directed at each other, and that was pretty much how succession here works.

Nizam - Prince Of Persia

He's scheming and wants to erase his nephew from existence. Although only as collatoral damage. He is willing to start a war on a flimsy pretext for his own ends though.

Scar - The Lion  King

Very close competition with Nizam. They're both unscrupulous, both want to kill their brother to take over the kingdom. Both want to manipulate their nephew. I think Scar gains points for putting the blame for Mufasa's death on Simba, and exiuling him. Also for being suiccessful in usurping his brother. And for making a real pigs ear of running the kingdom.

Uncle Frank - Home Alone

Okay, he doesn't have the murderous streak of some of the other uncles here, but I still think he's the worst!

"Look what you did, you little jerk!". Yeah, Kevin can be a bit of a handful, but he's an 8 year old. Nobody should talk to a small child like that. Later on, when Kevin's parents realise they left him behind, Frank sympathises- he forgot his reading glasses. But the reason I really hate Uncle Frank is that nothing happens to him. Buzz is nastry to Kevin as well, but that's normal teenage brother stuff, and his room gets trashed as punishment. Frank though, gets off scott free.

So who are the uncles I should emulate?

Uncle Owen - Star Wars

He's not a perfect uncle. He's a bit overbearing, but it's understandable that he's going to be a bit protective. And unlike Harry Potter's uncle, he does treat Luke as a son. Luke also gets a pretty decent life where he learrns some useful life skills, like piloting, maintenance of robots and vehicles, and how to haggle with scoundrels (although Obi Wan cuts him off here).

Uncle Ben - Spiderman

Poor uncle Ben. His entire purpose is to die to provide motivation for Peter Parker. While he left Peter with some wise words. While i 'm sure he was a very good father figure, I do think he loses points here because dying is not a trait to be emulated.

Uncle Monty - A Series of Unfortunate Events

Alas, another uncle that doesn't last long - that is the nature of the books after all. This is a shame. He's attentive, intelligent and all in all a good uncle.

Uncle Buck

The titular character of the movie. He's a bit of a doofus. He's not all that good at being an adult and probably not a good role model for his niblings. However, he does gain points for being fiercely protective. Granted, some of the protectiveness is from situations he put them in.

Uncle Jonathan - The House with a Clock In It's Walls

Jack Black seems to play irresponsible reluctant, but generally good parental figures. Probably not the safest of homes, but he does step up and take in his nephew, and does his best to make him feel at home. His nephew also learns to become a powerful mage, so there's that. Again - teaching life skills is essential.

Uncle Iroh - Avatar: The Last Airbender

Truly the greatest uncle ever. One of the greatest characters to aspire to. Always calm. Loves tea. Extremely easygoing and friendly, but also extremelyt intelligent and a cunning strategist.

Uncle Iroh is willing to stay with Zuko through thck and thin. Despite his peaceful natrure, if he has to he can be fierce, but that is always a last resort. All he really wants is for Zuko to have his redemption, but also knows that this cannot be foreced, and Zuko must find his own way.

So that's the good and the bad uncles. Now for the  ugly:

Uncle Fester - the Addams family.